Thank you. I might just take you up on that inbox offer. I wanted to clarify, BPD in my OP was meaning borderline personality disorder, but I have been told by multiple doctors that I have either or both. Neither here nor there, really, my anxiety is the true root of all of my behavioral problems, which makes the other things worse tbh.

It's crazy to hear that other people could have a "mental" or "emotional" rollercoaster from hearing me talk about my relationship, usually this is the reaction when I talk about it, which really just signifies to me that I'm beyond the point of fixing it, because sometimes I will send my friends screen shots of arguments we have and they always are like "I can't believe you deal with this/have been dealing with this," or "this is not normal" or "that was really hard for me to read and i'm not even involved," so kind of the same thread of thought. It is an eye opener to hear comments like that. So thank you. I feel like my head is very clouded by this situation and that my illnesses are being played on.