Me [25F] and my...boyfriend?[39M] can't separate my own feelings about age gap from outside opinions [NSFW]

I have tried dating guys my own age. And none of my family have any idea about the abusive guy from years ago.

I'm not 100% sure why I started to cry I think maybe I just felt really overwhelmed by everything. Admittedly I'm one of those people who tends to deal with stress/emotions by crying. Usually in private after the fact though!

One thing that really stood out to me about that evening as being part of the reason I felt so overwhelmed was no one I've been with had ever, ever said something positive about the physical appearance of my lady parts. I've had a lot of negative comments and frankly they stick with you. 'Used up' 'slutty' because of the way my body is structured and has always been. Ugly, what's wrong with me, I could go on I'm sure if I wanted to dig that deep into the past feelings.

It was almost like he was talking to himself or thinking out loud when he said I was pretty etc. It's kind of a huge thing to go from being really afraid of fully stripping down in front of a guy to having someone look at you and act like you're perfect.

I'm aware of liking to feel like I'm being taken care of and safe. Completely aware. And frankly I don't have a problem with that, I don't need someone to take care of me I've been doing it on my own for more of my life than not. Feeling like someone cares enough to want to take care of me is important to me because I don't have people in my life I can really trust to do that. Despite having a good relationship with my mom now it's only because I've forgiven and moved on from the past.

What good would therapy do? I've tried it in the past, for years with different people. Some were wonderfully supportive and others were actually abusive. I'm on medication for depression and it's overseen by medical professionals but they aren't there to chat about my stress levels. What difference would it make to my life?

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