Me [25F] and my...boyfriend?[39M] can't separate my own feelings about age gap from outside opinions [NSFW]

First off, thanks for being supportive and understanding as opposed to assuming he is a bad guy and I need therapy for wanting to be in a relationship with a man like him. I know I'm the problem.

You're right about my family, the ones that matter are just worried about me, the rest can shove it. I get better all the time at not taking their opinions to heart.

I've certainly gotten better about not letting my past bad experiences influence my current relationships. It isn't easy, and for a long time seeing someone on the street that could possibly be the abusive guy would make my heart seize up. The police has to get involved to get him physically out of my life, but it took a lot more time to get him to stop stalking me online. I know he hasn't forgotten about me, I still get emails sometimes. I got a happy birthday message earlier this year still and it's been like 5 years.

My trust issues are still going strong but I doubt that will fade until I'm actually proven wrong. Many, many guys have lied to me even up until the last one I was in before this. I don't believe their promises, I'm sceptical of their intentions, etc but with good reason.

I didn't make the connection between the abuser and this guy until the night I was crying. That's when I started to doubt myself I think. I have a habit of repeating my mistakes because I always assume people are telling the truth until they show otherwise. It's why I continually end up disappointed and hurt. It's like every guy thinks they are different and their lies are different. I just started to worry if I'm repeating history and second guessing myself.

And I do owe him haha I felt terrible for the way that evening ended but also happy that he hasn't shown any sign of being at all upset about it. He hasn't brought it up, he hasn't made me feel bad (I've done that to myself) it's like he doesn't care at all that I essentially kicked him out half way through a blowjob. My feelings were more important than getting off...and maybe that's something that comes with age? I don't know but it was a new experience for me.

/r/relationships Thread Parent