Yeah, I can wrap my head around the merits of certain examples for sure. I realize I may have come off as really extreme, I guess I'd just never ask that question in the first place so I'm not concerned with it. The only things I'd ask my friends regarding my partner are how they think she treats me, how she treats them/others, more personality or outcome-driven things rather than looks. I know many of friends find different things attractive and that's totally cool, but most of what we value in personality traits holds pretty constant. It's not a perfect system by any means, and I get that there are exceptions -- I'd just never generate that one myself, but yes you're right.

I couldn't say for sure, I don't think I'd want people to just throw honesty at me left and right unprovoked, but if I asked someone randomly on the subway how I looked...I'd rather know that I looked like a wreck in their eyes rather than not being told my hair is like, waved out in the back and it looks like I was standing in front of an industrial fan without my knowing.