Thanks for the response, I agree with your definition of white lie and would go along with your categorizing things by "things that can be changed" and those that can't.

I feel like I've been very clear on what I want when I call for the honesty, but I also just wish it were a more natural thing. Wishes aside, I know this can be exhausting for some people and obviously talking about it in such a hyperfocused light like this probably makes it sound like I'm sitting my friends down left and right for cross-examination. It's just on my mind right now.

Yeah, I asked about the patio before I began anything concrete. I just had drawn up things, and we had grown up building things together so I valued his opinion anyway.

With dating and attracting folks, I get that people can act. That the honeymoon phase can make certain things palatable even. I try not to hold it against people, but it's just so sad to think back and realize that they weren't being truthful and that they weren't really having a good time (or maybe they were in just seeing me have a good time, but in the case I raised about my ex, she said how terrible it was later...she was probably just trying to be mean at that point). Contact has been dropped from those people, yes.

I do call them out on it, I try to set the precedent with me that I can roll with honesty but things really get cramped up in my head when you make me question what you're telling me. I'm sure I just need to keep on working on myself while also maintaining a healthy bar for those around me to meet. Thanks