3. Me [28/F] with my [27 M] 2 years, snooped his phone to find possibly upsetting c...

Me [28/F] with my [27 M] 2 years, snooped his phone to find possibly upsetting contact with his wife

We've been in our current relationship for a little over two years, and engaged for about 2 months. I didn't find out until over a year in to our relationship that he is married. It was a shock that literally took my breath away. But it has been explained/established as a military marriage of convenience, for insurance purposes not love, etc. I don't want to get too specific about that. I snooped his phone tonight out of drunken boredom, with no expectation to find anything. But I saw his wife's name and had to look. Last time I knew of her texting him was Christmas morning at like 8am "Merry Christmas Hope you have a great holiday etc etc" which I thought was wildly inappropriate at the time. I don't think it's appropriate for him to be her first Christmas morning thought. So we had that fight and got over it. But the recent text from her says something to the effect of "sorry you're having a hard time with her, I just want the best for you. I can plan a day to come visit or you are over due to visit me. and I still want to meet your dog"

The dog part is exceptionally hurtful because we have to put him down next week and fuck her for wanting anything to do with our baby.

I feel a bit crazy and needy. But ultimately I feel hurt and betrayed. That he is sharing private details (I think he probably deleted the texts he sent her that conveyed whatever gave her the notion to respond like that) and I hate that he has a wife. I gave him all the paperwork to file for a divorce (I'm an attorney and can help him get it taken care of) but he failed to fill them out in time so they don't have to file taxes together next year.

I don't know if I should approach the subject of the texts with him aka admit I snooped. But perhaps more importantly is just the overall situation we are in. I've wanted to make a divorce ultimatum before, I just don't know if that's a healthy thing to do. His marriage is a secret so I can't talk to my family, his family, our friends, anyone about it. So everyone keeps asking about when we are getting married and I just want to scream--whenever he gets divorced!! But I can't. So I guess I would just like some honest, outside opinion. Am I an idiot? What do I talk to him about?

tl;dr my fiance is married, and I need to figure out at what point I become outspoken about my feelings in regards to it

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