Me [29 M] with my Wife [28 F] 10 years, I feel like I am raising a third child.

I have been this girl. I have sat on my ass and gotten this lazy. I got this way after having children and stayed this way for a good part of their younger years. I'd do enough to keep the house safe and keep the kids in that safe place. The rest of the house went to shit. Then when I would try to do something, there'd be these huge piles of cloths or dishes or what not that I'd get totally overwhelmed and go take a nap instead of dealing with it. But if there was a family dinner or birthday party or something for the kids at school, I'd show up showered and shaved and make-up on with a big ol' smile.

Then the kids got older and they started needing more then the living room floor to play on, so I would break down and cry and tell my Mom or Aunt or Grandma how it's just so bad and I don't know how to fix it. They'd all take turns coming over for a week and help me get things together and in order. It would work for about a month, but then the areas that didn't have kids (again mostly laundry or dishes) would get piled up and the cycle would restart.

It wasn't until my husbands job moved us out of state and I got rid of the gazillion hand me downs and extra crap that we didn't need to downsize and move, that I felt any freedom and really responsibility. The new bigger house with less stuff and older kids made it easier for me to manage. Plus...I couldn't just rely on calling my family to make it easy on me. I HAD to do the work. So I did. I came out of my funk and really started taking pride in my home.

Then I sought help for my depression. My husband worked less hours for better pay and could help me with things too. There's no telling for sure what her day is like if you don't live it.

We are back to our home state, but I still can't rely on those people. We moved from a huge home to a smaller one and so it's cluttered up again. It's not perfect. Some days I don't get a whole lot done. But it's nothing like it was...and I am being treated for the depression once again. It's not a one time fix it type of situation. I have ups and downs. But I don't stay down.

If she is suffering from this type of funk, I do hope she gets help soon. But OP might just have to take away all of the things that make it easy for her to do nothing as well as get her some help.

/r/relationships Thread