first, you need to stop snooping on her. and however you chose to confront her, you should definitely not mention you were looking at her phone. it will ruin her trust and close the door on any open and honest conversation.

it's difficult for me to conjecture what is going on with her from what you have written her.

some of what you describes actually sounds pretty healthy. it seems like some of your fighting in the past was due to her being too controlling or nagging and her not having enough outlets outside the marriage. the fact she has all these hobbies and friends now seems like a good sign. it seems like you need to get used to this more healthy person. You say yourself you miss the fighting. That is because as much as she was nagging you too much, you had gotten used to the negative attention. It seems like you two need to identify outlets to give each other positive attention now. I think a constructive thing to do would be to talk about this, how you can spend more time together. The dead bedroom you describe might be solved by this....

Have you talked to her about trying to have a child again? It seems like there is a lot of stressful stuff going on her life right now, and maybe it might not be the best time for her to get pregnant.

The stuff about your family is the most alarming.