Look dude, everyone here is getting on your case, but you have to see through the harshness of their tone and consider that they may be right. Read through your own post as objectively as you can. You sound awfully apologetic for someones who's been cheated on. Remember, you've only absolved her of the transgressions she admitted to, relationship-wise, the cheating she hid should be treated as though it just happened. Why was it wrong of you to bring it up over the phone? It seems like a perfectly legitimate thing to do from what I can see. Yes, you were wrong for going through her messages but doesn't it seem like that's a much less important issue compared to her infidelity? Especially since she has violated your arrangment in the past. Do you think it's unusual that this whole thing started with you catching her in a lie but now all of the sudden you're the bad guy, who snoops and tries to passive agressivley hurt her? You said you have no legs to stand on (that's pure bullshit by the way, she cheated on you, you have the higher ground here), does that mean her transgressions are simply wiped away by default? Does that seem fair to you? If you look back into your history with her, how many arguments can you recall that ended the same way? [As in you bring up an issue that feels legitimate but by the end of the discussion you "realize" it was your fault all along.] This is a classic manipulation technique. Manipulators will work to delegitimize the feelings of their mark, which opens the door to impose their own will. Isolation is also the ideal environment for doing this by the way. Not only does your tone seem unnecessarily apologetic but it's very self deprecating. It's almost as if your worried she'll find your post and you want to make sure she knows you know just how wrong this is. You should never be made to feel guilty over notions you genuinely believe. I feel like I've been in your shoes before dude, and I hope I can help you by my example. I was madly in love with a girlfriend and aside from her temper and her tendency to always wanna be in control, she was amazing. She was my best friend, same sense of humor, same interests and yes the sex was absolutely amazing. She even tried to get me in a three way, which I also declined. We were constantly fighting though, either that or having the time of our lives. We also dabbled in drugs and she also had many guy friends around whom she had previous "things" with. Eventually she also proposed opening the relationship, which I refused, not much later she cheated on me, I forgave her and we went back to our dysfunctional selves. One day her own mother pulls me aside. Shes a family counselor, and she basically tells me her daughter is mentally unstable and that she believes the daughter is emotionally abusing me. She breaks down a bunch of different behaviors her daughter exhibits, including the manipulation thing I mentioned above. She also mentions that she thinks I am declining as a person (becoming depressed, unmotivated, self medicating) and concludes that I should end things with her for both our sakes. I thanked her but never heeded her and stuck it out many more months. During this time things only got worse and she was constantly spending time away or with other guys under dubious circumstances. Looking back I truly was declining, I was gaining weight, withdrawing socially l, drinking in excess and I dropped out of college. It seems the GF noticed too because she came home one day told me she was in love with a mutual friend and dumped me on the spot. I was crushed. Not only that, but it turns out all my friends and family had seen this coming from a mile away and I was ashamed they all had to watch me being lead around on a collar for two years. It was so obvious to them as it is to me now over 10 years later; but at the time I was completely oblivious. Ive since realized that I had allowed myself to be manipulated. Don't get me wrong, I was hoodwinked by a much more shrewed and devious person, but there were many occasions that I thought about ending it but backed down because I didn't have the will to take a stand and it was nice having a girl in my bed. She ended up adding me on facebook a couple years ago. Turns out she married, had kids with and then divorced the same guy she left me for. I remember thanking my lucky stars i hadnt gotten her pregnant. It turns out all those things she had me worried about and beating myself up over were meaningless. I can honestly say my biggest regret is not taking her up on the three way. As far as what to do specifically about the GF, I'd suggest ending it. If you think about it, the relationship is already a sham. You forgave her and took her back under false pretenses. Additionally, considering her dishonesty, her sexual proclivities, her past transgressions, and the fact that she has work which requires her to be away it's very likely she's already cheated on you or will eventually. She even threatened to dump you when you called her out. She's either bluffing or already has one foot out the door (having someone else lined up definitely makes it easier). Have you asked yourself why she kept the pictures from you? When you caught her the first time, she had a chance to clean the slate but elected not to. What reason would a well intentioned person have to do this? If you're not ready to break up (after taking a long honest look at just what your stake is in the relationship aside from emotional security), then you need to confront her. And stick to your guns. Use this time to come up with exactly what you want to say and try to think of any counter arguments that could come up and ready a response for those. Here's what I would do: tell her you having trouble trusting her because of the past; tell her that the fact that she never truly came clean to you was WRONG and has only exacerbated your mistrust; ask her directly if she has cheated on you in any way (be specific: a kiss, flirting, simply spending time with someone else in a way she knows you wouldn't like) ; ask her if she has considered cheating, ask her if there's anything else she's hiding from you that you ought to know; tell her that in order for the relationship to continue she must surrender her phone, computer, social media accounts etc immediately and indefinitely (tell her you'll do the same). Honestly, though, this all seems like way to much trouble to go through in order to salvage a relationship with someone who fucks other men and lies to you. Whatever you decide, be sure you're doing it for yourself and stick to your guns. Good luck.