Realistically, how many people do you know have just woken up and "snapped out" of shitty behavior/personality they've had for years?

Come on, man. Try getting angry instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and wishing for the impossible.

You're talking about fantasies like you see in movies. You think you sound romantic, but honestly you sound infuriating. Infuriating because it's exactly by sitting around wishing she'd just stop and love you that she can keep being a terrible person. Why should she change? None of her actions have had any real consequences to this point

You have a child. Imagine someday your child has a spouse. Imagine that child's spouse has acted exactly like your wife has acted. Would you want to sit and watch your child hope and pray they just one day get treated better? Or would you want your child to kick that asshole to the curb and not look back? Would you want to see your child sit around and feel shitty because of someone who cares so little for them? Or would you want your child to leave this chapter behind them and have a new go at life?