Me [38 M] with my [37 F] partner of 20 years, have 2 kids [2 F] and [5 M] and thinking about separating

Some posters are attacking, but it is hard to say yay or nay to your points because you also diminished a 20 year relationship down to two paragraphs. There isn’t a magic answer to your question and each situation is unique. A third party in the situation, which you throw in very casually, throws off a lot of things. You two may have had issues that you could have worked through, but now your distracted with a new relationship and it is easier to see the grass as greener by leaving.

Being together with your partner isn’t necessarily better for your kids if your relationship is becoming toxic. If you are having an affair than the separation may be traumatic for your kids - your now ex-partner could manipulate the kids with stories of your infidelity and introducing a new partner (who may also be blamed for the divorce or making mom sad) could be introduced to soon. I have also had many friends who had parents who separated when they are young feel disconnected toons of their parents as they move on with a ‘new’ family. If you are unhappy then it may be best to leave, but remove the third party from your divorce, and focus on separating amicably with your ex.

/r/relationships Thread Parent