Sounds like a confusing situation you are in. But only confusing because you have a lot going on.

The truth is that you have to convince yourself that you don't want this. Just like you typically convince yourself to only have 1 cigarette. You don't want to turn a mother into a cheater.

You have now learned that you are very capable of feeling and experiencing these things but back away from here. Find them elsewhere. If you found them so 'easily' in a place so close to you, where you are often, imagine how much of it is in the rest of the places you may go?

You can't help what you are feeling. But you can choose to feed or starve these butterflies. What kind of man do you want to be?