Their Dad and Stepmom have been married for well over a decade. We all know each other very well and for some time. As to enabling, thats a tough one. We both make sure he has a place to live, his own room at both places, he has food to eat at both places, I do pay his cell phone bill as I pay his brothers. His car payment, car insurance, and his credit card are his to pay as are personal expenses, gas, food and entertainment. His step mom and I have access to those things, but we are trying to get him to pay them, physically, but he isnt responsible. He has the money, he has a job. He just wont sit down to actively pay them. And her name is a co-signer on the car and he is on their car insurance, so we really cant just let him flame out, it affects them too. We cannot physically make him take his meds, go to class, do his classwork, go to his therapy, or get the info from his appts as he is an adult and entitled to protected health information.

As to the psychiatric help, none of his social worker interactions, therapists, and psych evaluations have suggested that he would benefit or even qualify for further inpatient help. And being inpatient means they are taking the responsibility for him taking his meds, attending therapy, etc. It doesnt make him more responsible. And then he would get out and do his own thing again.

Do you think we are too enabling? We have never seemed to be helicopter parents, we always have been big on being responsible for themselves, and independent, and them making up their own minds about religion, career paths, etc. We are open to discussing them with them, have provided lots of information over the years and support to get this.

We dont want to throw him out on the street. I cant imagine he could find a way to support himself. There is not much of a job market for someone his age and skill set.