I can't stop crying right now. I think I've done a good job. I can see where I've messed up and being from a horribly abusive family, I have a need to get it all done "just right". I want so badly for us to be close. I want him to have what I didn't but I also see that I want to have with him what I didn't have with my mother. So it's a two sided thing and it all points back to what I want. Hope that makes sense.

I would hate it if something happened to me and he felt like your brother. Without having thought about my eventual death (even though I just turned old as hell last week), I guess that is why I'm posting here now and asking for advice.

We need just a bit of time and I think that by giving him a bit of space we can get things a bit back to normal. I can see what I've done wrong. But - (I really shouldn't use that word), I can see what he has done wrong too. He should have had the courage to spell out his needs and ask for space. When I've asked him if we were distant, he wouldn't tell me. So that's on him. Thanks to this post, I can see what I've done wrong and maybe that will help us get half way there?

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are now in the position of helping your brother heal. Forgive him - your parents sure did. I promise.