Me [f26] with bf [28] of 8 yrs. Own a house together, but he doesn't want to join accts n get married just yet...

I personally don't see a huge benefit in joining accounts. It just complicates things for me and my wife, maybe we are unique in that sense. I simply give her a lump sum of my bi-weekly paychecks to cover all of OUR expenses (rent, utilities, food, etc.). She covers her car payment, I cover my car payment, we each pay for our own car insurances...but we are both on HER car insurance plan (FYI, it saved us a combined $1000+ a year to merge our car insurance to one), I just shell out the money for my portion of it to her directly. We've talked about getting a joint account to put our savings into, we are both currently saving up money for a house and its all in her savings which is fine and it works for us so we haven't bothered getting a joint account.

So I wouldn't get too hung up on a joint account specifically, but the expenses to need to be shared and managed. I have no concerns over her car loan, or her student loans. She pays them with her money and I pick up the slack elsewhere like setting aside 10x the amount for house savings than she is since she has loans. And I think this is the important thing to take away from all of this, it sounds like there is an income disparity in your relationship which is fine, but finances need to be managed accordingly. My wife and I split all the major bills, all of our shared bills. She has crippling debt though so I pick up things like cable&internet 100%. I'm pretty much the sole contributor to our savings for a future home saving 10x more than she is per month since I have more of a disposable income than she currently does.

Things like car insurance and health insurance, it really does just work out better to get onto the same plan. But like I said before, I still pay my portion of these expenses to my wife since I'm on her plans.

so maybe talk to him about some of these ideas. And as for taking care of the home like cleaning and picking up stuff or laundry, that should really be a shared chore IMO. My wife and I share all of the cleaning, cooking, or whatever other chores are needed in our apartment. It just works better, no one can say the other isn't doing their share since we do it together at the same time.

An important thing in all of this too, make sure your BF isn't blowing his money. It very much sounds like he has the disposable income and you don't. It's not fair to the relationship if he spends all his spare cash, he needs to be planning for the future of the two of you. Like I said, I save my extra cash. I could spend hundreds and hundreds on hobbies and fun because I have the money but I don't because that money I savings for me and my partner, and any major expenses I discuss with my wife because despite whoevers account the money is in, its all OUR money...we are a team. You and your bf should also be a team, that will be important for the rest of your lives and I strongly suggest getting that figured out sooner than later.

/r/relationships Thread