"All you mention is yourself and YOUR NEEDS. What about her? Have you volunteered to take care of the kids so she can rest? Or do laundry?"
Im just sarcastically paraphrasing what will surely be at least a couple of responses here. Im in the same boat. Absolutely MISERABLE. Same number of kids, similar age, similar years married. The bottom line is it sounds like your wife as well as mine (and many others) has turned off in terms of intimacy. Same goes for mine. Something about marriage and having kids with them basically makes them URK at the thought of intimacy with us. My would literally tense up if I so much laid a hand on her. She doesn't anymore. Because I have long since given up. I don't look at her, I dont touch her and I NEVER mention sex even if its a movie or something. This is clearly off limits and just the way she wants it.
I don't have an answer other than what you havw probably been told, which is what Ive been told. A LONG road of couples therapy or move on. These are words to myself as well.