I don't think he's being selfish. It seems like this is his relaxer, which quite a number of parents where it's legal take advantage of. If he isn't just a "stoner" then let the man be. Is he working, does he help with the house and baby? Now obviously if he's just stoned and not contributing, that's another story and issue. But if the issue is, he has to quite vaping in the house, and you've declared him selfish for how he is decompressing, that's kinda rough. It seems like he IS trying, by going away from you, open window, separate room... Do you just not approve of MJ? Is this a deeper issue for you? Between alcohol or marijuana, MJ is definitely the lesser of the two, less toxic on the body and in general. Maybe this is more of you wanting him to show he cares about your needs. Cool. But treating him like a child for something many very responsible and and successful adults use on the regular while defending your drinking while nursing, seems controlling and immature.