This year is definitely my worst, but nothing really to do with lockdown or covid. My dad passed away back in January and frankly I still have trouble coping with it. I do okay some days, but others it just hurts too much to do anything but sit alone. I have back issues so it's difficult to work, so I'm kind of just stuck sitting in the house trying my best to do things others have no issue with. I'm immensely lucky to have had a dad as great as him, even though he wasnt able to do a lot for most of my teenage years, and he did have his moments, but he tried his best and did what he thought was right, which was more than I could ever ask for.
It's something I have trouble talking about, and reddit has been one of the few places I've bothered to mention it outside of home. The stress is eating me alive, and I just feel like collapsing any day now. It was so difficult to watch it happen. It was so fast. The hospital trips we took visiting him, him getting moved between hospitals, and him not even being conscious at all in his last month of life. I didnt even get to say goodbye, but we didn't think we'd lose him when he was last conscious. We were still optimistic, still hopeful he would return. But he never left the hospital, and those final moments, sitting in the room with him just hours before. Knowing what was going to happen, it crushed me. I couldn't take it. I never experienced anything like it before, I'm still just a teenager. Everything is coming down on top of me and I just can't take it.
I think of it every day. Some days I drown myself in distractions but it always comes back. And why wouldnt it? He was one of the people I cared about the most. My Dad is the one person I truly looked up to. No matter his beliefs or his views, he still cared for me and his family, he still loved us and tried his hardest to spend time with us and make us happy, and yet it just wouldn't last.
If you're as lucky as I am to have as great of a Dad as I had, please cherish every moment you have with him. You'll never know when it might be your last. You'll be happy to have done it, and your dad would surely appreciate it.