Men - the most important post you'll read on Testosterone. Your levels are being systemically lowered with plastics. Science inside.

With the disclaimer of: this is my experience/ opinion on the matter.

First up, it's very, very hard. There's no quick fix, unfortunately.

What helped for me is realizing where it came from: my parents (or rather, the dynamics between me and my parents). I have a dad that thinks he knows best on pretty much every subject. He's a good guy, but he can be rigid, and aggressive in his communication. On top of that, he criticizes. Coming from a good place, wanting to protect me from making mistakes, but always pointing out things I did wrong, before he complimented me (if at all).

My mom is overbearing. Not extreme, but just... momlike. Always making my sandwiches, buying my clothes for me until well in my teens-- if I needed something, she jumped up and got it for me.

As a kid, pretty much the only thing you want is approval from your parents. But if you're different from your dad, while your dad doesn't approve of different opinions or life goals than his own (and this might all be implicit, under the radar) you have a problem. And as a kid you can do two things: rebel (and have big arguments and go your own way) or conform. I did the latter, and if you do that, you bury your own wants and needs. I grew up learning other people's opinions and wants and needs are more important than my own. I was suppressing my own needs, opinions, emotions to please my dad. That's low self esteem, and the road to depression.

Together with my dad teaching me every step I took was wrong (criticising) and my mom helping me out with taking action, I was scared to act, and on top of that never learned to act anyway (because my mom always helped me out).

So I had to break that down step by step. Firstly realizing what my wants and needs actually were. If you bury that for years and years, it's very hard to feel what it is YOU want. But that's step one: confessing to yourself, without guilt, what YOUR opinion is. To yourself. Don't vocalize it, that's 10 steps later. To yourself, alone. What hurt you? What are you angry about? Don't change your actions yet. First: realize. Be aware of your emotions on matters.

Then, start putting yourself on number one. First, in hindsight-- you probably don't have the tools yet to act in the moment. To say "no" when somebody asks you something, but that's ok. Think about it afterwards. In which situation did you say "yes" when you kind of didn't want to, if you were honest? An important part here: don't blame the person who asked you, who "crossed your boundaries", because it's not their fault. You didn't say "no". Everybody can ask you anything. You have to learn to say "no". But babysteps, first try to figure out how you feel about stuff. If you were cranky, or silent, or passive agressive: that should ring a bell. You were probably doing something you didn't like.

And go from there. Start feeling, step by step. But be open and humble. Don't blame other people for "using" you-- you didn't stop them. They probably weren't even consciously using you-- they just asked you for a favor, and you said "yes".

And to curve this towards TRP: only when you are honest with people about your feelings, that is, saying "yes" to stuff you actually wanna do, and saying "no" to things you don't, you will get respect. "Nice guys" are often dishonest, and hot girls have a lifetime of experience of sniffing out insincerity. They probably have been bothered by people from their early teens on who wanted something from them. That's why they appreciate "bad boys": they may be dicks, but they're honest.

/r/TheRedPill Thread Parent