Just in case any of you never heard this back in the early 90s...

sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies ...

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named John A poor ex-Marine with a little fraction gone It seems one night after fightin' with his wife She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife (Penis, that is) (Clean cut, missed the nuts)

Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side And Lorena's in the car takin' Willy for a ride She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend So she tossed him out the window as she rounded round a bend (Curve , that is) (Tossed the stub, in a shrub)

Well she went to the cops and confessed to the attack And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there" To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air (Found, that is) (By a fence, evidence)

Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long So a dick-doc said' "Hey! I can fix your dong!" "A needle and thread is all we're gonna need" Then the whole world waited 'till they heard that John had peed. (Wizzed, that is) (Stiched seam, straight stream)

Well he healed, and he hardened, and he took her ass to court With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short) They cleared her of assault, and acquitted him of rape And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape (Video, that is) (Unexposed, case closed)