Men of Reddit, how do you deal with anxiety affecting your sexual performance?

Girl here :) just wanted to say that it happens and it's okay. My last boyfriend got anxiety after our rough patches, too, and I completely understood.

I agree with what other posters have said and I suggest you two put sex on the backburner for a little while.

However! In the interim, please keep up the attention and affection.

Due to his vicious anxiety cycle affecting sex, my ex would first pull back by kissing less, then reaching out for me/my hand less, then finally he would turn almost cold -- I'm assuming his subconscious thought that giving any small sign of affection or attention would throw me into a horny tizzy. Ironically, this "method" actually made me want sex with him MORE because that's the only time he would hold me and give me physical touch (my second top love language) :(

Also, it made it so getting out of the rough patch took longer -- which in turn increased his anxiety, decreased my self esteem, etc etc. Vicious, horrible cycle for both of us... But when we got out of it, things were (mostly) great!

Sorry this is getting long, but some ideas to substitute the physical affection and closeness of sex: * dancing (slow, or pretending to be in a club. I'd wear a short dress, dance dirty on him, and move his hands on my body) * massages with the lights off and candles burning * random kisses * hugs from behind and soft, breathy kisses on her neck (extra points if you whisper in her ear - dirty things or sweet nothings) * lots and lots of hand holding and cuddling

You've got this, OP!!!

/r/AskMen Thread