I struggled with anger problems for a while and this was very much reflected in arguments with my wife. Eventually I was known as a "grumpy dude" and that was more or less established as my character type which really sucked, because once a label like that is placed on you by your family you're more or less stuck with it. I'm not sure exactly when it happened but within the last 2 years for sure i sort of matured out of it I guess. I'm much calmer I usually dont engage in arguments unless they're logical and more of a debate instead of a fight, if she refuses to disengage then I speak calmly and think before i speak. If I had to guess how I matured I'd probably put some credit over to the gym and listening to heavy metal while working out, it's like therapy. Additionally I'm starting to go deaf and my tinnitus is ridiculous so I'm finding myself needing to look at what people say and really try to understand the words they're saying so that in itself probably helps me respond with logic because I'm listening to understand not listening to respond. Overall I'd say work on yourself, try and improve wherever you can to help yourself mature, try listening to understand people instead of trying to get the next words out, communicate with your SO often so things don't build up and lead to resentment, when she/he communicates back or even initiates, try and understand their standpoint and come to a solution not a counter-argument.