7th grade school dance.

I finally got to dance with the hot girl in the class above me! I was moping in the bathroom when a "cool guy" from her grade asked me how my night was going, and if I had danced with anyone yet.

"Nope".

After a brief conversation I essentially confessed my absolute longing to dance with said girl. Well, he laughed, and grabbed my arm and forcibly walked me out to the dance floor saying "I'll just introduce you to her."

All at the same time I was horrified, scared, and elated, but nonetheless, this was my fucking moment. It was happening for me. I didn't have to do the work. The "icebreaker" was unfolding without my having to do a thing! Thank you universe!

I introduce myself, she smiles, and we slow dance. I wasn't just on cloud 9, I was floating off into the universe of love. I was ready to propose to this girl because I could tell by how much I liked the way her face looked that we'd make a good couple.

Surprise Boner. But not the fast kind. The slow, knocking on the door kind. The kind that gives you ample amount of time to freak-the-fuck-out because you're 30 seconds into the song and you are not walking away from this.

The only thing I could do was awkwardly bend my hips away from her, but now my arms are really stretched out far. She noticed, and laughed (politely). Like the soothing kind of smile/ laugh. Like, "this happens hunny it's okay". Doesn't matter, all I wanted to do was melt away beneath the floorboards of the gymnasium and die. Naturally.