Men of reddit, what problem do men have that you wish women understood more?

Men want something out of a relationship that few will ever experience.

Many women would probably think that a man just fantasizes about the kind of thing that you see in various adult videos. Sure, we have an animalistic side that that thinks about that. But when we think with our heart we fantasize about something completely different.

When it comes to romance a man, typically, is expected to take on a very active role. He's expected to make the first move and do something or be something to prove his worth to her right away. He's expected to walk up to her and put on a good enough show in order to qualify as a candidate. He needs to be charming and/or funny and/or other beguiling enough to receive a passing mark on the entrance exam to dating.

For a man, dating is work. It's a lot of work. He needs to put his heart and soul into a performance that is enough to be noticed.

But in society the status quo is the opposite for a woman. She is allowed to just be there. She just needs to exist and be visible and it's expected that she just needs to be available for a man to make put on his display. Dating for a woman is allowed to be far more passive. He comes to her and puts on his show and then she decides if he gets the chance to move on to the next round of trying to impress her.

The stereotypical romantic fantasy from a woman's perspective is for a man to come and "sweep her off of her feet". It's for the man to put on such a good, enchanting show that there's no way that she could possibly reject his advances. The fantasy is to have the ultimate active partner.

So, here's the point of all of this. A man's romantic fantasy is just be accepted for who he is.

Men are tired of having to constantly put on a show. They're tired of putting so much of themselves into trying to read a women in order to be this wonderfully charming individual to pass her barrier of entry. He's tired of having so much on the line and then waiting those gut wrenching moments where she's silently deciding, over the course of the attempt, whether he gets the thumbs up or thumbs down.

A man just wants to be wanted for who he is a regular basis. He wants someone who stand by his side and support him even when he can't be "on". He wants a moment to feel what's it like to have that more passive role where someone else makes him feel desirable simply for being there. He wants a partner to show him that he matters for no reason other than being recognized as someone who actually does matter.

A man just... wants to be wanted.

/r/AskReddit Thread