Men/women of reddit who went out to buy cigarettes/milk and never came back, do you ever think about the family you left behind? Do you send them money or regret leaving? What made you go?

Sorry you went through that. My father also disappeared for most of my life and I realize a lot of it was due to depression and such. I tried to get back into his life when I got older, but I just couldn't connect with him and he didn't put any effort into it. Anyway, I hated him for a long time, but now I just feel sorry for him. He had a rough life, too.

But that's not what I meant to talk about. I also had kids when I was way too young and I tried really hard to make it work, but I just didn't have the energy for it all. Their mom and I just didn't work out at all for various reasons, so after 5 years of trying, I gave up and left. I went through many years of depression and anxiety and I disconnected from everyone including them. I eventually moved across the country chasing jobs and since then rarely get to see them. I know I'd be a terrible father. I had way too many problems of my own to raise kids well. I'm now in a better place emotionally, have a decent job and am happily remarried, but we're not going to have kids. Now I feel like I have no right to come back into their lives, so I try to stay at arm's length. I've always paid support and sent Christmas and birthday gifts every year, but it's been a few years since I've been back to see them, partly due to money and the fact that my job is really demanding, but also just because I don't know what to say to them. I can't apologize, because it would ring hollow, and I know that it was probably better for me not to be there than to have them seeing their mom and I fighting constantly and miserable.

Anyway, reading stories like yours reminds me that I'm a selfish jerk, but at least I've tried to keep some small connection to them through gifts and support. But it sometimes feels like I'm trying to buy their love, so again I feel bad trying to contact them or be a part of their lives. They're teens now, so maybe they're old enough to forgive and understand, but then I'll just feel guilty for asking for their forgiveness when I know I'm not deserving of it. It's a vicious cycle.

Not sure why I'm replying to your story specifically or why I'm writing this at all, but I hope that some day your father figures out what he's missing out on and gets his act together and tries to at least partly reconcile, and I hope that if he does it sincerely, you won't completely turn him away. But it does sound like he might not be that kind of person to ever figure it out. There's always hope, though.

/r/AskReddit Thread