My husband used to work in the oilfield, so 80-100+ hours a week meant I did everything at home. I wasn't allowed to take out the trash though, he insisted that was his job. I showed him my love and appreciation for working so hard by doing little special things for him and he showed me his appreciation and love by buying me flowers every week, carrying me to the house/car if it was rainy so I wouldn't get my shoes wet, insisting I take breaks when he had days off,etc. We both did a ton (I was a sahm too,not just a wife lol) but we both showed our appreciation for the other all the time.
Then he got into drugs and was pretty abusive and neglectful and things got pretty shitty. So, I was pregnant,being mentally, emotionally and physically abused but still stuck around because I thought it was just a phase. I was still happily doing everything for the family, even though it was me doing everything by then. I don't even know how I did it, honestly,but I always found ways for us to not go without and kept the kids happy and learning and being the best mommy I could be.
So, I think, as stay at home mothers, we're willing to do a ton,maybe even more than what's "fair" because we have children to keep happy. Should be the same with fathers, but sometimes it's not, sometimes mothers are the ones being shitty. I'm losing my train of thought,sorry. Anyways, apparently I stuck around for much more than I should have and I probably could have faired much better if I had just left, so I'm definitely not saying to put up with any kind of abuse. It's just my experience as to how much and how far I was willing to go and still be happy about it and not feel it was unfair.