Using throwaway for privacy

I used to like my job a lot, i work in this industry for quite some time and while i enjoy the work itself, the money is unsatisfactory, and i feels like that's all i can get across the industry in Malaysia. I used to like it when customer call me when they need something done or to check whether their stuff is done or not, thinking it's satisfying people will look up to me when needed, but recently discovered that it isn't they trust me but it's because i'm easier to pushed around, to pressured into rushing their thing first. These day i'll just ignore all call and divert all inquiries to my boss if i'm busy, and i'm overworked everyday to meet demand before raya. It's to the point that i question myself whether i'm an asshole or not for not pushing even further, even though i'm just someone earning a B40 money on the deadend job and i'm on the verge of breaking down right now.

i feels like the satisfactory of the customer and my boss should take the back seat now while i focus on not to off myself till the end of the year and i feel bad doing this.

What worst is I recently bought myself a house so i can't disturb my earning at all. And which then my finance took a hit (because covid) and i'm struggling a bit. I thought i gonna live there with my (now ex) SO so i'm hanging on, but little did i expect she left me afterward because she saw that i'm struggling financially and think i can't take care of her, hence leaving me is "best for both of us". I feels so broken afterward, years of relationship ended just like that. Even though she reaffirmed that i didn't lack anything or done anything wrong, it's hard to shake off the feeling that i've done all the thing wrong but she refused to tell. Now i'm stuck with a house that i can't sell nor rent and have to commit for the next 5 years.

Life's kinda sucks.