I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult place right now. It will get better. I wish I could offer you something more supportive. I know how hard it can be to make friends, many people struggle with this. Have you thought about maybe getting into sports, either individual or team, as a way to (i) meet new people and potential friends, and (ii) take steps towards feeling better about your body, because of what it can do? Indoor and outdoor rock climbing is a good way to meet both men and women in friendly, a non-competitive environment, and also a good way to “get out of your head” because of the mental problem-solving element! Just one possible activity, there are many more.

I also think CBT could be helpful for you, to help you break away from negative thinking and self-talk. Even if seeing a therapist isn’t an option, you can still find CBT workbooks or even apps that might help.