Lol, thanks :) No, not a therapist, I've just dealt with this before.

There is a major disconnect for inexperienced men who think porn is real. It isn't- its fiction. It's fantasy. It is a tool to provide visual stimulation to ejaculate. And the more extreme fantasy scenes, like hammer jacking a women's vagina until she pisses herself, is not a typical orgasm experience for most women. He thinks it is. And his wife probably thinks she made a huge mistake marrying somebody who doesn't give a shit about how she feels.

I only commented because it is clear OP cares deeply about her, and is obviously not understanding the role intimacy plays in a healthy marriage. They can both be satisfied, but the truth is that he is wrecking their sex life and blaming her for it.

If he is willing to self-reflect and grow as a partner, and stop holding her to a porn standard that she obviously does not find appealing, things could be really great for them. He is on the right track by acknowledging that they are incompatible with his kinky desires, so no amount of forcing or shaming her to do this is going to make their marriage work. He can change his views on intimacy and partnership, or keep on the divorce path.