Desensitization to violence is a real thing though.
I can laugh, gasp, or have any number of reactions to suspense and violence (and gore) in horror.
But I can't tell you how many documentaries I've seen of war, or even vivid photography sessions hoping to expose the horrors in ..Vietnam, or Iraq, that has made me tear up. When I, rarely, tune into local news and read some horror story of someone torturing their children or pets, when i hear about gang members entrapping police officers to execute them, or police officers abusing their authority - escalating a situation and needlessly fucking killing someone, i'm moved to sadness or anger.
I wouldn't say I'm completely against violence. I suppose sometimes it can be necessary. And I mean that in a person sense and a systematic one. But for the most part, I feel we live in a far too violent society.
But I'm also an almost 40 year old adult .. who has spent his whole life watching horror, reading horror, listening to gangster rap music (well..until about 5-7 years ago). I grew up on death and black metal and shock rock. I've seen more horror-porn (human centipede, hostel, saw, etc..) films than i care to recount
I dunno.. i just wasn't one of those kids who watched beavis and butthead episodes and thought i should go play frog baseball or set shit on fire. Fantasy has always been fantasy to me.
Even when art is a reflection...or exploitation of reality in order to sell cool, or to express frustrations at real problems, i've always been able to see through that, to see what the underlying reality of that is and to look at that reality in of itself rather than allowing a musician to purely shape that for me.
I think I have grown desensitized with fiction. But i haven't with reality. In fact, the older I get ..the harder it is for me to emotionally deal with reality... without a sense of powerlessness forcing me into apathy, not out of desensitization, but out of this feeling that I can't live a life of pure idealism and conviction to try to fix all the things I wish i could fix or at least contribute to. I made my choices to be a family man.. not an activist. My .. inaction to doing more positive things in the world stems from that feeling of overwhelming powerlessness, not desensitization.
And like you - i can talk about real life horrors and not let it rip at me, but the only reason i'd bother to talk about it (say.. in a cultural or political sense) is because at one point it bothered me deeply, and now i can talk about it with a layer of rationality and frankness because I've gone through the emotional processing of that subject already.
I dunno.. i just take great offense when my character is assaulted b/c of my entertainment choices at a very deep, profound, emotional, political, moral/ethical level.
I understand different people like different things. No one has to like the things i like, but when you're essentially saying i'm a bad human being (TM) b/c of the things i watch and listen to, and the effect of these things on me (and others) is so overwhelmingly negative and harmful that it makes the world a worse place...in order to justify why you're too cool for school when it comes to my hobbies and interests? that's a little over the line.
And the only thing i can figure..is that those people have a psychiatric problem. that they see themselves as impressionable, and they're concept of reality is a little too flexible and fragile to be healthy...and b/c they see that in themselve,s they project onto me.
At least..that's what i'm sticking to. If they can have pet theories about me, I figure I can do it back.