I understand how you feel in a way. I have horrible parents who abused me for my life. I get envious of loving families, well more sad that I cannot have a loving family. I can have a tendency to push people away because I'm afraid of being rejected. But I go to therapy actively to help me avoid this.

You did this you need to accept responsibility, you weren't rejected, you played a game and didn't like that you lost your own game. Here is the thing about loving families. They usually forgive and love. If you go and apologize and tell them you understand what you did wrong, that you love them and would be honored to have them at your side, they will still be hurt but likely will forgive.

Stop testing people, you'll lose them. People show you they love you with their actions. You don't need to test them.