Regardless of what happens, and Ill try to give update, I just want to say. I KNOW I have inherent worth and value and deserve love, friendship, and happiness as anybody else. DESPITE the anxious thoughts and feelings I often have. We all can see our full worth by looking a bit deeper within our selfs and our own perspectives and interests and so on. It's just difficult to maintain or even see those viewpoints at all sometimes, despite knowing deep down they are true.

That said, the reality is I have alot of anxious and self doubt and issues of waving between confidence and total worthlessness and even confusion about who I even am.

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But ya know what. I am ok. You don't actually need to be anything other than what you currently are in this world. I know I started this message as a very anxious person, but I can see now that it's silly to be afraid. To be afraid is to rely too much on expectations, and devaluing your own interests and personality because you think you won't be likeable if someone sees the real you.