MIL sends an apology letter... sort of?

I write this letter, as requested, as the means by which I hope we can heal, communicate, learn from our mistakes, and move on to a brighter future.

Okay. Good.

At no time have I ever intentionally meant to hurt or demean anyone.

Well, you did just that.

I truly, deeply regret and apologize for any misunderstandings or things said or done-- past, present,

Okay. That's an amazing start! This is going to be a good letter! We can all heal and-

and future.

This implies there is no intent or expectancy of change.

As your mother Parter, I hope you know and can realize that that is not the person that I am.

That always gets me!

When people say "that's not who I am" it's always after they decide to do something as themselves. If it wasn't who you were you wouldn't have done it. Instead of saying "I deeply regret my actions. They were my decision to make. I clearly made the wrong choice." you make it sound like you were possessed and forced to act against your free will. Take responsibility.

My greatest wish is for us to come back to some level of mutual respect and forgiveness.

Then take responsibility. That is the first step after the apology.

Raptor, my greatest regret is having disparaged you in a public situation.

Idk about "greatest" but I can understand that you regret it.

(a small meeting of cohorts).

What does that even mean???

During a time of great frustration and being upset, I spoke out.


This unfortunately made its way back to your mother.

That was not unfortunate for anyone but you. You made a choice. It did not end favorably.

It was wrong and inappropriate of me to have done so. I apologize not only to you Raptor, but also to your mother.

This is the only sentence truly needed.

There are things attributed to me that I said or did that I don't have any recollection of, and in many cases cannot imagine myself even saying.

That is deflection.

However, if I did, I again truly and deeply apologize.

People don't apologize for things they don't do. If you really don't remember then either someone is lying or you need to see a doctor about your memory.

That said, it's important to understand that sometimes a comment is just a comment.

Nope. Not here. That's you removing any responsibility for your actions again. That is negating the apology.

Sometimes a suggestion is just that, a suggestion.

That is you taking responsibility for your actions away again.

I have to consider that some things were literally taken literally and not for their true meaning.

What you have to do isn't relevant. If you are implying anyone else has to do the same you are again taking the responsibility off of yourself. We are dealing with what you are responsible for. Nothing else.

Misunderstandings do occur and I will take responsibility in not making myself clear.

If this was a misunderstanding please cite word for word where the misunderstanding was. Use the original text.

Partner, you are my first born.

Citation needed

We share the same birth date.


You were such a sweet, shy child and people often commented on what a beautiful child you were.


In so many ways you are the combination of your father and I.

Biologically in fact.

Like my early years, I believe you have always been a bit insecure and a loner.

That is not appropriate to add in to an apology letter. That's an insult.

It's taken me years to work on confidence and feeling secure in who I am.


Sometimes I come across as blunt (something I need to work on).

If you believe that is a problem then that is something you should work on.

Your father has at times been distant, uncommunicative, and full of anger.

That is between you and father.

I see some of those traits in you at times.

That is wildly inappropriate to put in to an apology letter and it is an insult.

Even as adults we still make mistakes but we can still learn and still grow.

And I hope you do. You had the opportunity to do so here.

One of my favorite times with you as an adult living with us was our morning ritual of goodbyes/I love you's.

That is irrelevant to the apology.

It saddens me greatly that you and your brother are estranged. As the only two sons/brothers, you were always there for each other. You are two very different people with very different personalities, but that is ok. You know he is not a bad person and is very caring and thoughtful overall. Your cousins have also indicated that they miss seeing you at family functions and have wished to know Raptor better.

All of this is absolutely irrelevant to an apology.

The wonderful (sometimes aggravating) things about being in a committed relationship include gaining new family.


With many family entities to deal with, negotiations and compromises are often resorted to in deciding how to fit everyone in.

Nope. Family is only more when they are respectful of each other.

As you are well aware, we usually had 2 visits/2 holidays between dad's and my side of the family. The same thing occurred with my grandparents. Both families are important. As mentioned, everyone misses seeing you both.

Is this implying an expectation or a demand??? In an apology letter?!

The fucking nerve. JFC.

I hope we can come together with mutual respect, resolve any issues, and move forward in a positive way.

You have to fully take responsibility, and it seems like you are unable to do that without deflecting, insulting, and demanding. Insults to character are not mutually respectful.

I hope that you both will want that too.

Well, an apology would have been a great start had it not come with deflecting, insulting, and demanding. This was an invitation to make amends.

When, and if, the time is right, both dad and I would like to come visit your new home.

Nobody is at the point where that is even appropriate to discuss.

We are so proud of you.

For being distant? Unommunicative? Angry? Or self conscious and a loner?

This is a big fail. This whole letter is huge fail.