I don’t mean to say women are blameless in all this; I just have never dated women, and OP is a woman dating men so I figured my experience was relevant.

I agree demands and ultimatums are bad and that you misunderstood me. What I meant was that as a woman, if you’re searching for a serious relationship, or are in need of anything you aren’t getting from someone you’re dating, you need to just tell them. I feel like a lot of women (and I used to do it, too) expect dudes to read our minds, never tell them what we want, then get upset when we don’t get it.

Also, withholding sex is not the same as waiting for a basic level of commitment to have sex. I’m not knocking casual sex at all - I have had a ton of it, lol. But OP sounds like she’s searching for exclusivity, so why would she compromise herself if she hasn’t gotten even that basic assurance?