I miss marijuana, but it made me paranoid. I miss amphetamines, but they were destroying my health. I miss being able to drink like a teenager - but I don't think any of these things were making me an asshole. That was just the natural me shining through:)

..and I'm not exactly easy on the eyes anymore either. ha ha!

So please don't be too hard on yourself.

Give yourself some credit if your not hurting anyone right now, since that's really what makes a good person in my opinion.

Not hurting anyone.

If you're not hurting anybody (and that includes yourself!), then that's about as good as it gets in life!

You should stop lying to your friends though.

One of them might be struggling too, and hiding it just like you. You can't support your friends if your not being truthful, and they can't support you very well either.

Be honest for their sake too, not just for yourself. Right?

Lies can weaken a friendship, until it ultimately becomes meaningless.

If your friends can't or won't understand and respect that you're not drinking because you fear of falling into alcoholism and destructive behaviour, then perhaps you need to look for a healthier kind of friendship somewhere else.