I lost my boyfriend to a car accident in 2012, and I know how it feels to have someone you love so much suddenly ripped from your life. Do not let this destroy you, sunshine. The past three years I have been a shell of my former self in some ways. I beg of you, do not turn to drugs or alcohol in this time of suffering. You will never be able to turn away from them. The best advice I can give is to hold on to that feeling for as long as you can, and never forget the ways he had an impact on your life. Appreciate the time you were given with him, but know that time cannot be turned back, and that you MUST recover from this at some point. Please grieve and wallow and cry all you need, because it's necessary to get all of that out. But know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it sucks, I know it seems impossible. But you are still here, and your life must continue. You will find some form of peace in the future. The pain will never disappear, but it does get a little easier with time as others have said. But you MUST continue to live life to the fullest, in his memory. Because you know he would have wanted you to live, and to be free, with or without him. The unexpected passing of an SO is one of the hardest things you will ever experience. I promise you that. But I also can promise you that if you can get through this ordeal, that you can defeat any obstacles that life throws your way. If you ever need to let go and vent and try to get out feelings that you are having trouble putting into words, please PM me. I've been there. I just want to hug you right now, and if I can't do that, the least I can offer is a little solace when you think you can't face reality anymore. It's gonna be okay, baby, it really is. Life is what you make of it. Accept this as a test of your strength, and ace the fuck out of that test OP. Bless your heart darling, I promise you that your guardian angel will always be looking over you and protecting you eternally. ❤️