Will someone please tell me how the fuck I’m supposed to be okay with my 2 and 4 year old daughters all of the sudden having to start daycare? I can’t fucking allow it. My STBX Has been a stay at home mom with them their whole little lives and they need that to continue. Doesn’t have to be her but I need to find a way to get someone trustworthy to watch them at home. Breaks my heart imaging them being sad for mommy or daddy and being around strangers.

Not to mention, my wife took them and has been keeping them from me just to spite me, when I’m the one who found value in playing with them and giving them what they need out of me, not what I need out of them. I have to find a way to save them from that monster. And when I’m on stand I’m going to say “shame on you attorneys for encouraging us to hide the kids from one another. All I’m thinking about is what the kids need. Not me. Not their godforsaken mother. It’s only them now. I have to find a way. The stages of loss keep cycling over and over, and while the grief for my wife is fading slowly, the grief for my babies expands and expands and never contracts. It only gets covered by Hope at times. Hope for revenge. Revenge will be the only justice. And by revenge I mean winning primary custody. I must. For them. I have to.