But its more about what it represents

I mean, that notion is kinda the problem I'm talking about. It's a tool and that's it. No one should have feelings for it, other than possibly fear and/or respect to the damage it can cause. But it shouldn't feel good. A necessary evil should never feel good. You should feel bad about feeling the need to have it and trying to create a world that doesn't need it. Like other countries have to a certain extent.

1 mil self defence usage

Btw, do they define self defense usage? Cause it's obviously against folks without guns, otherwise the number of gun crimes would have to be of equal number oe greater. So wondering what the context is there.