this is not something i should share on my main, but whatever, i'm going to.

after swearing and really believing i'd never have carnal knowledge of another, i found myself in a unique situation two weeks ago and then again a few days ago.

i found myself trying to turn him into my husband. wanted to look into his eyes, wanted him to go slow. but for him... it wasn't that.

he was much younger than i and i felt gross about it and still do. what i'm left with is that i miss love-making with my husband, there's no substitute, and if that experience was worth anything, it was worth proving to me what i already knew: i'm good without this aspect of my life.