Mission confession story. Can anyone relate?

Was a pretty big pothead my freshman year at BYU. Roommates and I would go home to Vegas every month to pick up supply. They used to steal beer from grocery stores in Provo and bring it home. We'd get pretty wasted almost every night and because of it I'd never make it to class. Ended up getting a 1 year suspension and I knew it was coming but didn't care enough to do anything. Never attended church all year but decided to show up and act like I just moved into the ward and moved my records in. Figured I might as well go on a mission so my parents wouldn't know I failed out after being a straight A student. I never had a substance abuse problem in high school but it was my escape. It was also my first time living in the US as I grew up an expat and family was still back in Germany. So it numbed the homesickness as well.

I told myself if I got somewhere cool I'd go. I probably was gonna go regardless just because of the expectations from family and not being able to go to school anyway. Bishop said I was one of the most prepared young men he'd ever met and was so excited for me. That comment stuck out so much cuz I remember just thinking to myself "some discernment." Especially cuz I was both high and hungover at the interview but I was pretty good at faking my way through everything. Went back to Germany over summer where I got my mission call. I got my call to a sweet international mission learning a language I was interested in so I ended up going. It wasn't too far from home either, and I made plans for my friends to meet up with me. Spent the summer smoking weed, getting laid, and partying. I remember my last Sunday at home before the mission. My friends wanted to hang out since I was to leave on Monday. I asked my parents if I could go and of course they said no since my dad was Branch President and I was supposed to give a departing talk. But I made up a story and told my parents that after I told my friends no, they admitted it was supposed to be an elaborate surprise going away party and everyone spent a lot of time on it and were all really disappointed. They ended up letting me go after I told them how good of a missionary opportunity I would have at the party.

On the flight over on Lufthansa in Business class I got pretty trashed at the First Class Terminal lounge and on the plane as well. I was worried I'd get ID'd since I was only 19 since the flight was to the US but no one even mentioned it. That's the mindset I entered the MTC with. I'm sure missionaries probably suspected, but I never have confessed to any thing. I'm about to graduate from BYU now and am writing this from the Orem starbucks drinking an iced coffee. My grades have made a 180 after I made better friends and stopped the substance abuse. I do occasionally partake, but only responsibly. Instead of using it as an escape, it is only used as recreation on weekends if I am caught up with schoolwork. Much healthier relationship. Honestly, it's probably because of the mission. It helped me solve my substance abuse problem I developed freshman year. It forced me to go cold turkey. I was able to regularly sneak out at night and meet up for drinks when my high school friends would come and visit. Some of them were even studying at the local university. I never got caught for it, but did for a lot of other stuff. I had brought an iPhone with me that I got a local SIM for so I would text and chat with friends every day during the study times or at night after my companions had gone to bed. Fell asleep before hiding it one night and a companion saw it and reported me to the pres.

Don't know why I decided to share this. Haven't told anyone about this before. Obviously my high school friends knew but it wasn't a big deal to them since they don't understand Mormonism. Don't think they ever realized how risky it was to sneak out to go clubbing with them.

TLDR I'm sure I was less "worthy" to serve a mission OP. But because the gift of discernment is fake and I never believed enough to be guilted into confession. Not sure how I would have ended up otherwise, so sometimes I do feel my mission was a blessing. Met a lot of awesome friends, most of which are now exmo and in the sub.

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