Yeah, and he’s a dumb fuck rancher from Literally Nowhere, Missouri. I know because my grandpa, a rancher from Literally Nowhere, Missouri, used to have breakfast with him at 5 in the morning every morning at the ol’ Nifty Cafe in Literally Nowhere, Missouri.

Nothing and nobody good comes out of 12 boomers sitting around a table at the Nifty Cafe at 5 in the morning talking about politics (AKA throwing around the n-word liberally).

After Mike Parson was offered the governorship, he called my grandpa and told him that they called him and offered him the position while he was out on the ranch, tending to his cattle. Nothing wrong with being a rancher, but I don’t want someone to be pulled from knee-deep cow shit to go run the state. I wouldn’t want my grandpa running the state. Parsons was a state representative, but that’s not saying much. I’ve met a couple, and they were nutjobs. Not even their politics, they’re just crazy. I thought Johnny Rye of Arkansas was a homeless mental health patient who had found a suit and was just hanging around the Capitol with delusions of being a politician.