SCP-9999-P
(Provisional designation pending review)
Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
All instances of SCP-9999-P are to be kept in a standard McDonald's Chicken Nuggets box of design between 1998 and 2006. Failure to obey the date restrictions will result in [REDACTED].
To prevent a disasterous decrease in site morale, at no point are any instances of SCP-9999-P to be eaten except by class-D personnel less than one week from termination following [DATA EXPUNGED].
At least three single-serve unopened containers of unexpired barbecue sauce are to be kept in the containment cell at all times.
Description:
SCP-9999-P is the collective designation for a set of fast-food tendies recovered on June 7th, 1999, from the floor at a mall in [REDACTED], Wisconsin.
All descriptions of the objects invariably refer to them as "Tendies", and attempts to describe them otherwise result in confusion, with subjects eventually announcing a variant of "Oh silly me, I meant to say Tendies! Obviously that's what they are".
The primary anomalous effects of SCP-9999-P manifests when any amount of hunnymusty is introduced within 10 meters of SCP-9999-P. The condiment will invariably be described in all media as hunnymusty.
Any attempt to describe the condiment otherwise will result in a retrocausal effect preventing the condiment from entering the active radius if it has not already done so already.
A random subset of dividuals within the same city as SCP-9999-P will find themselves compelled to consume SCP-9999-P, and will become aware of it's location regardless of any prior knowledge of it or the Foundation.
Affected subjects invariably believe that consuming SCP-9999-P is an essential part of a "special training diet" which will also include Dewey. The beverage will always be referred to as Dewey, with subjects appearing to perceive other names for it as identical to Dewey.
If a subject consumes an instance of SCP-9999-P, the subject will immediately notice a desire to alter their manner of dress and speaking, and will perceive themselves to be highly intelligent, although no alteration to IQ or brain structure occurs.
If not consumed, the effect persists until a condiment other than hunnymusty is placed within the effective radius, which causes affected subjects to lose interest in the object, claiming that "It is no longer good enough for a gentleman".
If consumed, effects persist until a subject consumes a green vegetal. In this case subjects will begin to doubt SCP-9999-P caused beliefs, and will often make a statement such as "Wow, I guess they really are people too!".
Any additional fast-food items placed within SCP-9999-Ps container will become additional instances, so long as the additional items do not contain any green vegetal other than iceberg lettuce.
All documentation mentioning edible plant life in the context of SCP-9999-P will use the term "vegetal", with the exception of non-organic iceberg lettuce. Organic vegetal will be referred to as vegetal, just as other edible plant life.
O5 Command Only beyond this point. Violations will be punished by summary execution.
INCIDENT REPORT 9483882:
Researcher Carnes ate it. He fucking ate it. I saw him put on that fedora, but he didn't own one. It came from nowhere.
These things are not what you think. They are at minimum reality bending entities and possibly sapient.
I'll never forget what he did next. He unlocked [REDACTED]. Three skips breached containment. We put him on trial and he was laughing with excitement. I'll never forget his words.
"I plead guilty. I request demotion to D-class and transfer to 110-Montauk detail."
As long as these tendies exist we are in danger.
Want to know why 110-Montauk lost effectiveness? It wasn't that she got used to it.
It was this guy. That IDIOT. Nobody requests demotion to D for good reason. Ever.
Now her containment is twice as traumatic, she won't stop ranting about what "The nice guy said", amnestics aren't working, and personnel onsite have been reporting hallucinations.
Consider yourself warned.