Absolutely, my pleasure!

Okay so I was really intrigued by the premise, and you had some really great natural flowing dialogue and well put together descriptive paragraphs.

What I was missing were two things: a better idea of what kind of story this was (mystery, drama, comedy, etc.) and a hook. For the genre, obviously it doesn't have to be one particular thing, but if I am not quite sure by the end of the first "chapter" what kind of story I am getting myself into, that could be a problem.

This can directly tie into the hook I was talking about. For me, I thought that the way you had set things up was building towards a reveal at the end, or at least a hint of a reveal: who was Simon? That, to me, is your central hook. There are hints of a mystery (why didn't your main character know about Simon, why didn't the parents talk about him) and I think you have to alude to something at the end. The key would be to have plotted out who Simon was and the mystery around him (if you haven't already) and have us and/or the character figure something out by the end of the first chapter.

Sorry, I don't want to go on and on making it seem like there are lots of "problems" to fix. I really like the idea of it, and you have created some likeable characters which is always hard to do.

Try this: at the beginning, before you introduce the main character, write a passage about Simon or something about the mystery surrounding him, either from his perspective or from someone with him. As Jim Carrey says in Bruce Almighty, "that should spice things up a bit!"

Hope is helps! By all means hit me up again if you want to continue some dialogue or have more questions. I hope you keep writing about it!

For quid pro quo, I would love if you could read my entry and give me some feedback, it is always appreciated!

Cheers,

mikerich