I think this could really work and is something I can actually manage to do. Thank you so much for the suggestion and your understanding words. :-)

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I also really appreciate all the kinds words from the other commenters and all of your suggestions, but I see myself unable to cut her out completely. She is all I have. I don't want to lose her too. Compared to how my dad, peers and some boyfriends have treated me like dirt, she was always humane and didn't cause any such knife-twisting pain in my heart like the former did. I understand her "just get on with it" mentality is a little manipulative and careless, but it seems benign compared to what else is possible. She was always distant and cold when I grew up, but she was a victim of my dad too. I'm sure she was close to breaking in those decades she spent with him and I think her distance and coldness is just a protection mechanism she created because of my dad - because as soon as you'd show any vulnerability with him, he'd make it worse and worse until you were completely shattered. She didn't really defend me from him or the bullies at school, but nevertheless told me to "just ignore him/them" or "just tell him/them to shut up" which was bad advice because it got me a fractured rib from the school bullies and a broken nose from my dad. After that my mom's go-to advice was "just ignore them, you are better than that, they are just jealous", which at the time sounded to me like hollow stuff that didn't help. Now I think my mom was essentially playing "grey rock" against my dad and she thought if it made life bearable for her, it should be alright for me too. Unlike me though, my mom grew up with incredibly loving parents and I think that made it easier for her to shield herself and "bounce back" from the abuse from my dad than it was for me, who's sense of self was completely eroded from the day I was born essentially. So now she cannot fathom that I didn't recover as well as she did and instead am "lazing around" at home without achieving anything. But what is "lazing around" for her, are intense hours of anxiety and panic or the debilitating brain fog of depression and chronic fatigue for me. It's a hell nobody really sees and understands and I cannot really fault her for not seeing and understanding either.