Hi, so im 23 now but when i was 15 my mum died. She also had cancer for about 5 years preveous of her death. I know how you feel its really f-ing difficult to deal with! My whole life crumbled and i clearly remember thinking i cant deal with this and being so close to ending it all.i had razors at the ready. But each time something would pop into my head like my dog, or the fact that one day i want to go abroad and it would stop me and years later here i am. I think of her litrally every day! That wont leave you.. But i am coping and so can you. Live a life you know would make her smile, do things that would make her proud and even if that's too hard and you feel like a failure and not living up to what shed want that's ok to because she would think you not ending it was a good enough accomplishment! I absolutely know you see no end and i get it I've been there but you've got some great life experiences ahead of you and you also have hard times ahead of you but that's life, its just a jumbled mess that you need to tackle daily. Be their for your partner, live a life full of things that bring happiness and don't forget to talk to people about feelings because i didn't then i broke down one day to someone and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted of my shoulders!