I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Destroying the things we own does seem to be a common N tactic. It seems like if they cant hurt us physically (the way they'd like to, for fear of the law), they lash out however they can.

I remember once I got some bad grades. Not terrible...but not great either. I know I didn't fail anything.

When my father found out he went in to a rage, and stormed around my room taking everything and destroying it, screaming at me an inch from my face and telling me I'd be living on bread and water. I'd spent pretty much my whole life decorating my room to make it an escape from the rest of my miserable life... the walls were pretty much papered from images I'd cut from magazines and news papers that made me happy... mostly of beautifully remote nature scenes. There were two posters that I had bought, one of a huge chestnut tree in bloom, and the other was a black and white of clouds in the sky. They'd cost me all the money I'd been able to save up until that point in my life (I was around 12/14, the posters were about 6$ each), because I never had money of my own. I remember being so upset the posters were destroyed... they were really all I had, emotionally and materially. They were my escape, and they represented my hard work in scrimping and saving pocket change....and it took just a few seconds to destroy and take away. Later on I snuck out to the garbage and pulled one out...thinking I could smooth it out and put it back up someday, or just save it... but it was so ripped and crumpled there was no saving it. It was gone.

I refused to ever decorate again...infact I just gave up on my environment completely. I stopped cleaning, or bothering to organize anything or have any respect for my things (or anyone elses) because... I didn't think there was a point. At one point my mother (a flea ridden enabler some days, full blown N others... I honestly don't know what her deal is most of the time) tried to mend fences about it, and offered to buy me some things to 'cheer my room up'. I remember looking at her with a totally blank face (which was a lot of work to keep up, and my default facial expression) and asking her "why?". She didn't really have an answer. Everytime they told me to pick up my clothes or my things, I'd ask "why?". Sometimes the response was "we'll throw it out if you don't!" which was usually met with me taking a trashbag to all of my items and leaving it in the middle of the kitchen for them to do what they wanted with. Most of the time my mother put it back on my bed and they left me alone. Othertimes the response was "because if you don't your things will get ruined", to which I would always shrug and just stop listening.

I'm away from that environment now...but the only way I survived it was by devaluing myself so much that there was no way to hurt me. They couldn't insult me, because I could insult me better. They hated being 1up'ed on that kind of thing, so the only victory I ever had was in the competition of "who can treat 1yearwonder the worst?!"

I'm so glad you got away from your Nmom's toxic influence. Welcome to the community... Ive found this place to be really helpful. Its a kind and healing kind of place.