This actually turned into a very entertaining read haha - if you've got a minute I do recommend
I maintain West Ham's 2013/2014 squad was far worse than this Newcastle side and all we ever got was slagged off for playing shit football
GK - 40 year old Jaaskaleinen
RB - Guy Demel, couldn't play longer than 45 minutes. Retired after we released him. Rotated with Joey O'Brien, who went to Shamrock rovers after we released him
CB - James Collins on a free (actually love this bloke and he was class)
CB - Winston Reid, admittedly was class too. When he got injured, we brought in Roger Johnson, who'd been relegated with 3 different clubs in the 3 seasons prior - and had just been fined by league 1 (?) Wolves for turning up to training pissed.
LB - Razvan Rat, contract terminated in January of that season - replaced by George McCartney who was still available on a free because no one else wanted him after he'd been released from Sunderland 6 months prior
CM - Mark Noble, legend but was always restricted by having to play DM and do the running for everyone else
CM - Matty Taylor, lovely bloke but we knew he needed replacing in 2012 summer
CM - Mo Diame, absolute beast (so long as the game was on TV). Rotated with Ravel Morrison who had a brilliant 2 months but was banished out on loan by January.
LW - Matty Jarvis, scared of his own shadow
RW - Downing, was shit barring a 2 month spell at the tip of the diamond the following season
ST - Carroll out for the whole season, Modibo Maiga (who was so shit we elected to play without a striker vs Spurs at their place and beat them 3-0), got Mladen Petric in on a free after no one wanted him in the summer, played once. Eventually decided on bringing back Carlton Cole, who we'd released 6 months prior and no one else had picked him up. Spent 6 weeks getting back to fitness
Christ alive that was more depressing than I remembered