I'm just so sick and tired of this shit disease tonight and I don't know where else to write this. I am not 5 months post round 2 of Lemtrada and I feel generally well. A lot of my old symptoms are gone. However, mentally I feel worse than ever. I'm scared of what my next MRI will show for example. Did Lemtrada stop progression? And if it didn't, what do i next?

​

And am I the only one that interprets every single little sign or symptom in my body as a possible new lesion or a relapse?! Is anyone else as paranoid as I am?

​

And to be honest i am so tired of always hearing how bad MS is. I know how bad it is, I don't need everyone reminding me of it. I'm tired of watching a random tv show where MS is mentioned and people always talk about how bad it is. Or how the media always shows the worst of it. Personally, I met quite a few people with MS, and guess what! they were all doing great. So why do I always have to read that *everyone* with MS will be in a wheelchair or will end up a vegetable?!

​

I just want to MOVE ON with my life, I want to do my PhD and put MS behind me. This is why I chose Lemtrada in the first place, because I wanted to hit it as hard as possible. I am still young, and my MS is not yet visible to other people. But i am tired of always feeling like my whole life is going to be defined by MS.

​

I mean... is it really impossible to have MS and have a normal life? Do I really have to give up on all my dreams now ? i'm 25 and it just feels horrible having to think that.

​

Again... i'm sorry for my vent. I guess i just needed to let things out and express my frustration with this disease.