Mono to poly check in thread

I started seeing this girl a few months ago as a casual sex thing. The night we met we both established this wasn't exclusive and we intended it to just be a sex thing. A week or two into it she informed me that she has a LD open relationship that is off and on (was off when we met, then back on in those couple weeks). Additionally our casual sex thing was becoming way more intense than casual sex. We've now essentially been doing relationship stuff the whole time and she's not been completely open to her LD SO about us (the LD SO knows about me, but doesn't know the level of our relationship). The LD SO also has relationships in her home state, but doesn't share much with my partner either.

I guess they've tried the poly life in the past and it didn't work because LD SO couldn't handle it, but my partner also told her that she didn't want an exclusive LD relationship (so I guess that's a dick move on her part..."you can have me in an open relationship or not at all). So it turned into a "We know we're both dating people and we're both going to pretend it's casual and we will never talk about it" kind of deal.

Recently they had a visit together and apparently had some really good talks. LD SO has come to the conclusion that she really is less monogamous than she realized. And my partner (I use this word loosely for now, btw) told her more about me and our relationship. LD SO also expressed that one of the girls she is seeing is deeper than just casual dating.

Anyway. I've been ok with this from the beginning EXCEPT the part where I was super uncomfortable about how LD SO didn't know the level of our relationship (yet I continued it. I know. Not ethical on my end.) AND the fact that when they do have their visits I get COMPLETELY ignored (I really don't require a lot of attention...1 text a day (if that) just to say hi is sufficient). Now that they're talking it's like...whoa..this is real...and may actually work.

My biggest concern is that once they are living in the same state...are they going to decide to be mono again? But I've been consciously aware of my future thoughts that I don't need to be thinking and usually just remind myself that if that happens, I'll be ok as I've survived plenty of relationships.

Anyway. Our transition is going well so far I think. The partner and I have had awesome communication since the beginning but her and LD SO haven't. So I am hoping that will work out well for them. THe whole LD thing really adds to the work that needs to be done. I gave her an out the other day. Told her that this is going to be exhausting and there will be A LOT of talking and if she's not wanting to do it, I can step away from the whole thing right now before I get even deeper into it. But she insisted she can do it. So. We shall see.

/r/polyamory Thread