Now I have a story (I guess, it's more a list) but I'm not sure at this point if my parents truly qualify as insaneparents or I'm just being entitled. So here y'all go, I hope someone sees this and gives a reply.
It's important to mention that I'm 20 and living with my parents. Also, while my step-dad in involved quite a bit I'd say that he's not an insaneparent. I think he's just trying to keep my mom happy while doing his own form of tough love.
Also, as oxymoronic as it might sounds I think all of what my mom does probably comes from a good place, well most of it. The rest is probably repressed disappointment. Also, I think the underlying reason acts like this is she wants more control over me than she should, although I'd never admit this to her face. She'd probably deny it and scold me for daring to accuse her of something like that.
1.) An ongoing issue that I'm having is that I don't know how to drive. I kept asking my parents to teach me but we kept either forgetting or putting it off. One day they admitted to me that while they won't refuse to teach me, they don't want to because they think I'm not responsible and emotionally mature enough. Note that almost *all emotional outbursts that I've had for years now hoe been directed at them and I'd say besides that I'm pretty mature. Not perfect, but how enough control of my emotions not to commit road rage. Also by "Not responsible" they mean that I don't do enough chores for them, also that I spend most of my free time playing video games (They're both those boomer parents that hate video games unconditionally). Video games aren't the only thing I do, it's just there's pretty much nothing to do in my neighborhood or people my age to hang with. That wouldn't be as much of an issue if I had a car but again, go back to the beginning.
To give an example of the chores thing My mom one time tried to compare accidentally forgetting to turn on the dishwasher to forgetting to stop at a stop sign. Like a harmless mistake is comparable to a potentially fatal one.
I don't have a job and yeah, I could try proving to them that I'm responsible by holding one down. That's kind of hard when you don't have a reliable means of transportation and there are no stores within biking distance. I've brought this up to them and their response to it is usually along the lines of "Don't blame us, just walk or ride your bike to work or the DMV. We both had it harder you can do it." Again, they're not within reasonable walking distance. Biking distance is more reasonable, but all the stores nearby require me to ride my bike along or cross a highway, which doesn't seem safe to me but that might just be my mom's paranoia rubbing off on me. It's not impossible for me to get a job, but my situation doesn't make it easy and my parents aren't really helping.
Everything here's less text, but whatever.
2.) I've gotten into arguments and acted spoiled in the past and that's my bad, but sometimes my mom will bring it up in an argument when it had happened months or sometimes years ago. She doesn't admit it but it's clear to me that she's holding grudges against me to an extent.
3.) One particular time a year or so ago I got into an argument (I should probably say that for a while now I think the underlying reason for most arguments is both some mental turmoil involving my biological dad that I won't get into and the fact at times she treats me like a child when I'm 20.) with my mom and she suddenly shoved me. I don't remember what I did to make her do it but it was certainly non-violent, which is important to note with what I'm about to say. Right afterwards my step-dad explained that one of my Mom's friends was dealing with an abusing boyfriend and during that argument, my mom basically must have mentally associated me with that abuser which caused her to shove me. It might be just me, but that doesn't sit well. It was only his speculation, but I believe it since my mom generally seems to have a lower opinion of me than she probably should.
4.) My main duty in the house is keeping the kitchen clean. Sometimes I do other stuff but that's my daily job around the house. I might be entitled or spoiled here, but does it make sense that people should try to clean up their own dishes on their own if they can? To me it sounds fair, not too much to ask and makes my job a little easier. I used to get upset about cleaning up after other people, but I've outgrown that. I used to point out that it'd be nice if my parents could rinse their dishes and they get a varying degrees of upset. Fine enough, maybe it is too much to ask. They used to say that if the dishes in the dishwasher were dirty then they'd put them in themselves. Spoiler alert: they rarely did if as all, and they got upset whenever I pointed it out until they finally retracted that deal.
5.) Something that I'm honestly lucky and thankful for is that I get 50$ every other week as "pay" for doing chores. It's great and aside from some complaints I got from them that are reasonable it been fine. Sometimes they'd "dock my pay" because I didn't do something right in an egregious way. Recently however, they tried to double down on the "docking" stuff by taking little amounts of money for every mistake that I made cleaning the kitchen. My Step-dad's more-or-less a perfectionist when it comes to that kitchen so you can imagine how that was gonna go. There's nothing wrong on it's own about it, but this came after I told them that I was just gonna save my money for driving lessons but that I didn't have enough yet. On my previous payday, my stepdad told me that I won't be getting the money for the two weeks because they're short on money due to the virus and they need to pay bills first before they can see what they can give me. I could be reading too much into this, but knowing they don't trust me to drive they might be trying to quietly cut me off from my only reliable means of making money. It makes sense to me, they've basically admitted to me in the past that they're willing to use my dependence on them to keep me from doing things I have the right to do, but they personally don't want me doing. (I said I was considering seeing if I could help test Coronavirus Vaccines, my mom disapproved, I said I'm 20 so I have the right to do it if I want to, and she responded with something along the lines of "But who has to drive you?". She later denied ever saying that, which reminds me of the time I heard what sound like her snickering at me and when I called it out, she refused it to the point she played the mental health card on me and accusing me of being mentally unwell. She accuses me of stuff from time to time and gets mad at me when I get mad at her, one time she tried to use me getting mad about it as an admission of guilt)